autumn

It must be autumn. I’m sitting at home, feeling sad about sitting at home, I slept quite much today but I feel sleepy and a bit strange… Like if I’d not sleep for 2 days.

I have a lot of work to do, but not much motivation, I played guitar for a few minutes but without a joy. I have no big party today, I missed a boxing training, I didn’t want to go for a beer, I’m trying to focus on bayesian work, but somehow can’t do this.
For the first time in a few months I have time to think a bit about my life – not that I have any complains – everything goes fine, I’m getting better in martial arts, improving my coding knowledge, material situation, I’m in happy relationship right now.
But this whole stuff is going on it’s own. I don’t plan it carefully. In fact, I don’t plan at all. I just know what I want and I’m trying to get it from life, but to be honest, especially in this year, I absolutely stopped spending time on abstractive issues. And that’s bad.
I didn’t spend hours watching the moon and stars at night, I didn’t try walking the streets without a goal – just to walk and think a bit, I didn’t write any poem, record any music stuff, recreate lost connections with old friends…
Today I found a server. My server. How can someone forget about own server? Ask once more.. I don’t know. I just came to irc and in my friends botnet I found a bot from my machine which I forgot about many months ago (the one which hosted firefox.pl for some time). I logged in and saw that almost nobody logged since january 2005. Everything looked like when I logged in for the last time… Some half-made projects, some pictures yet to be published, some conversations with people I’m not in touch now…
I even found a conversation with my ex-girlfriend. Very strange feeling. I’m traveling through the directory structure like if I’d found a frozen city untouched for eons. Some old memories cames back to me.

Well, with October I’ll be back to school, and I want to visit some old friends of mine in Wroclaw, Cracow and Gdansk… I’ll try to improve this side of my life and I hope to get back to average emotions after tommorow’s beer-meeting 😉
Anyway, once again it strikes me – it’s a great deal, to take a break from life when you’re on a full speed. And look around…